Regression
Oh man, today was bad. I don’t even know what happened, maybe it was cuz of my dream last night which involved her again. Maybe it’s a culmination of everything that happened the past two weeks. Whatever it was, I’m going through a serious case of broken heart right now. I thought I was over this shit. I thought moving would help. But I guess physically moving a mile or two doesn’t do much to erase memories. It doesn’t really freaking help when you have other people asking you for advice for a problem that’s all too similar to what you experienced. It definitely does not help when they’re oblivious to your history and predicament and the only thing you can do is offer the same advice that others gave you, knowing full well that that those words are useless, meaningless, hollow, and just plain fluff.
I just want to study for my final, but all I can think of is rewinding time right now. Okay, well that’s not quite it. I’m also thinking about how I’m being stupid and childish and how I’m the only one who isn’t moving on. I am willing to admit that the majority of my feelings are selfish and somewhat unfounded but I just need to vent. I want her to talk to me as she talks to my friends, yet at the same time I know even if that were to happen, nothing would change.
Ah whatever, this is all just meaningless drivel spewing from my finger tips. I shall finish studying, perhaps play a little Monster Hunter, then sleep and go fail my final tomorrow. Wait, that’s just my pessimism talking. But then again, my luck keeps running afoul of bad circumstance. For example, my headphones broke today. Come on, really?
I thought about it a little bit and maybe I’m not really having a bad luck streak, but rather I’m just nitpicking all the negative things that happen to me and ignoring the good. But then, after thinking long and hard about it, aside from being still alive and the rote routines still happening in a mundane fashion, there aren’t many outstanding good things I can pull out. But they say that everything must balance out right? So either I’m about to experience some really good luck or this is just punishment for some transgressions I committed in the past. I really hope it’s the former.
